Edgefactor

Our infrastructure depends on your spunky

Recently, some people in my part of the country have been advocating the removal of the four Lower Snake River hydroelectric dams all in the “interests” of improving salmon passage. Whenever I press these people about how we are going to replace the approximately 3000 megawatts of electricity generated by these four dams they become deliberately circumspect and evasive. Recently, they have been proffering the theory that the power could be made up by harnessing the potential energy of the Mesocricetus auratus, that is…the common hamster.

These hydroelectrical luddites hold up this article as proof that their theory “holds water.” (Sorry, badly stretched pun.) But I, dear reader, am here to once and for all DEBUNK THE MYTH OF HAMSTER POWER!

Now, on to the DEBUNKING!

According to the Hamster powered light article, a hamster is capable of generating about 0.8W of power by running around his wheel:

4V * 0.200A = 0.8W per hamster

The internet tells us that the four Lower Snake River dams generate the following amounts of power:

603,000,000W = Ice Harbor Dam
810,000,000W = Lower Granite Dam
810,000,000W = Lower Monumental Dam
810,000,000W = Little Goose Dam

All told:

3,033,000,000W = Lower Snake River dams

Therefore:

~3,791,250,000 hamsters = Lower Snake River dams

Nearly four billion hamsters, and that’s if they run in their power generating wheels 24/7. Let’s assume that a hamster runs for a workmanlike 8 hours per day, with 16 hours of downtime to eat food pellets, drink water from his drip bottle, and maybe make hamster babies if he/she has any energy left. Now we need 3 shifts of hamsters, which means we need approximately 11,373,750,000 hamsters.

Let’s now assume that a hamster, it’s power generating wheel, and it’s other amenities require approximately 2 cubic feet of space. That means our hamster power plant is going to require about 23 billion cubic feet (0.156 cubic miles) of space. Preferably climate controlled. For comparison, Boeing’s Everett assembly plant, recognized by the Guiness Book of World Records as the world’s largest building by volume, weighs in at a measly 472 million cubic feet. Pfffff. Hamster Power Inc.’s Southeastern Washington Generating Station would be roughly 49 times that size!

Now, let’s assume that our building has been magically provided by God or the Federal Government or some such nonsense and that all of the building maintenance related costs have been taken care of. We’ve still got the costs of our most precious assets, the hamsters.

According to the site www.hamsterland.com, an average hamster incurs between and in support costs each month. This includes, food, water, fresh cedar shavings, etc. Let’s say that, due to the economies of scale, our average hamster costs us just /month. That puts our monthly operating costs at around ,373,750,000. Annually, we will spend about 6,485,000,000 keeping our hamsters happy and productive. In case you lost track of the zeros, that’s 6 billion a year. By way of comparison, IBM’s annual revenue is approximately billion.

So let’s say that the care and feeding of the hamsters is our only expense, and our company is a not-for-profit entity with volunteer workers. Let’s see what the TRUE COSTS of hamster power are:

1000W / 0.8W = 1250 hamsters to generate 1kW of power.

Thus, the costs for 1kWh (that’s 1 kilowatt for 1 hour) of power are:

1250 * (1/30) = .67
1250 * ((1/30)/24) = .74

So Hamster Power Inc. will be pricing it’s ‘clean’ (have you seen how much a hamster poops?) power solution at .67 .74 per kWh.

Bonneville Power Administration, the not-for-profit entity that sells most hydroelectric power in the northwest, currently sells power at around %%post%%.03 per kWh.

And remember, that’s without any of their capital costs or any operating costs other than hamster maintenance. I leave out the capital costs simply because nobody has any idea what building a building that big might cost, but it would likely be billions of dollars that would need to be repaid.

Guess it’s time to go back to the drawing board hamster power advocates!